I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
