I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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