he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I still have a little drunk in my system
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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