he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
