there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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