oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
