I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Randomize
