Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
