Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
