I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
