Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
