Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
