I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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