i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
