my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
