I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Terrible idea I love it
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
