I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
