and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
