where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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