The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Reggie can tackle my bush.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
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