Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
