I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Randomize
