I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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