It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
