whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
