is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
