I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
