my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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