i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
