Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
