yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
God, I missed his penis.
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