Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
He has the fingertips of a God
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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