Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
