a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
