if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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