and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
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