Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Randomize
