laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
