Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
