dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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