So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Randomize
