I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
