When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
