I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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