The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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