i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
