btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
