If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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