my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
