I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
