Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Randomize
