On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
