I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
