If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
