Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
