Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Still dying that you shit outside
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
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