I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize