I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
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