So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
We got so high we made milksteak
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
You are the jesus of drinking
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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