If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize