I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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