he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
