Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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