Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
