i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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