Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
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