you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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