Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
