You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
