I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
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