well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Randomize