I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
