Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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